The Unexpected Challenge of Adult Friendships

Making friends as a kid was easy—sit next to someone at lunch, share crayons, and suddenly you were best friends. But as adults? It feels complicated, awkward, and sometimes even lonely.

If you’ve ever wondered why making friends as an adult is so hard, you’re not alone.

I’ve spent years stumbling through the ups and downs of adult friendships, and I’ve learned some surprising truths that make the process easier—and a lot less painful.

Here are six lessons about making and keeping friends in adulthood that few people discuss.

1. Not Every Friendship Is Built to Last

In college, I met Sarah during orientation. We clicked instantly and became inseparable… until one semester later, when our schedules changed and the friendship dissolved.

At first, I thought I had done something wrong. But here’s the truth: not every friendship is forever. Some people are “starter friends,” some are “seasonal friends,” and a few are lifelong.

Letting go of the expectation that every friend should last forever makes it easier to appreciate people for the role they play in your story.

2. Friendships Need Nurturing

In my twenties, I’d cancel plans last minute or assume friendships could survive without effort. Spoiler: they couldn’t.

Friendship is like a plant—without consistent care, it dies. Strong adult friendships are built on small, steady actions:

• Sending a quick check-in text

• Remembering birthdays or milestones

• Showing up, even when it’s inconvenient
  

It’s the little things, repeated over time, that turn acquaintances into real friends.

3. You Won’t Be Everyone’s Person (and That’s Okay)

I once spent months trying to win over the “cool girl” in college. No matter what I did, she stayed politely distant. I felt like I wasn’t interesting enough.

Now I realize: you can be amazing and still not click with someone. Chemistry, timing, and energy all matters.

Not being everyone’s cup of tea doesn’t diminish your worth. In fact, it frees you to focus on people who truly value you.

4. One Best Friend Isn’t the Only Model

Movies tell us we need one “ride-or-die” best friend. Reality? Most adults have a constellation of friendships.

• Your brunch buddy might not be your career venting partner.

• The friend you travel with might not be the one you call at 2 a.m.

Different people meet different needs—and that’s not a weakness, it’s a gift.

5. Making Friends as an Adult Feels Like Dating

I once went for smoothies with someone from my dance class and realized it felt like a “friend date.” I worried: Am I oversharing? Do they like me? Will we hang out again?

Here’s the secret: adult friendship requires embracing awkwardness. You have to:

• Make the first move

• Follow up intentionally

• Risk rejection
  

Yes, it feels vulnerable. But the alternative—loneliness—is much worse.

6. Outgrowing Friends Is Natural

One of my hardest lessons was outgrowing a close friend I’d loved for years. There was no fight, just a slow drift as our lives moved in different directions.

It hurt, but I realized: outgrowing a friendship doesn’t mean you’re cruel. It means you’re evolving.

Some friends are chapters, not entire stories. Letting go makes room for relationships that align with who you are becoming.

Making friends as an adult isn’t easy—but it’s not impossible. It takes intentional effort, patience, and the courage to embrace vulnerability.

The biggest takeaway?

Adult friendship is less about finding the perfect people and more about nurturing the right connections in the right season.

So the next time you feel like friendship is hard, remember—you’re not alone. You’re just in a stage where effort, openness, and authenticity matter more than ever.

Question for you: Do you think making friends as an adult is harder than dating?